Wednesday, March 16, 2005
i cannot continue being like this....i need to be freed of all these fear...i need understanding. but how to make you understand that just because you ask me to do something, be something and take up something that im not or i dont want to, i must heed? please....because of this tightness, i dont even dare tell you all....i keep hiding it inside me, its gnawing all of my light, and darkness envelopes me. it hurts. its dark. im scared but i know its where i belong. i will tell you. dont blame me. dont please. its who i am.


today...i wasnt in the right mind. i was at somewhere near my school. wanting to cross the road. pressed the button. it was a road cut into half. you have to cross to the middle when the green man shows. but the other half belongs to another green/red man. i DIDNT know. i saw the green man in the distance but it belonged to the second half. i crossed while messaging Mag and Huey. halfway i heard honking. i didnt even look up. i had music blasting from my earphones into my ears. but at the corner of my eye, i saw a huge truck coming FAST.

normal people, and i mean NORMAL people, will either turn around be stunned and stay there...dunno what to do...then DIE. or they will run like they never did before. what did i DO?

i continued walking at my slow pace, continue messaging (was Mag at that point in time) and the truck zoomed by me in milimeteres. i wasnt shook up or what. i continued my walk......

close shave? God's mighty hand? an angel? i dunno.....dont give a damn too......

actually, half my mind after that incident, was hoping that i would get squished and become a human roti prata.
actually not half. nearly 99.9% of me was hoping of that....

yes i know ive contemplated suicide like dunno how many times. i still enjoy that thought. i still do.

life has become meaningless to me. whats life? i dunno. what does it have? nothing. what does it holds for me in future? zilch. im a pessist. i suck. say whatever you want. i dont care. i really HATE my life.



i really cannot stand such pretense anymore. mummy, daddy, why u all dont believe me? no one will except some of them. but they dont understand what im going thru. they say they do. but my case is SO freaking diff coz im a *********. coz family's **********. i really am so blardy tormented by this issue. ive cried. ive prayed. but God's not doing anything. i can't change by myself. i needed him. gave it to him. yet nothing.


i really wanna leave. dont stop me. u all do and i will just....dunno what i can do but it isnt pleasant. pls just let me leave this circle. i cannot face him. i dont wanna depend on him anymore. i dont trust. i dont.....everything to me is so oblivious now. im not taking in. i cannot give out coz its bad and i dont want to. please salvage me. my thot last time. pls ignore me. my thot NOW. GOODBYE

strong words from my beloved di again. whats wrong now? now u oso not answering kor's calls.....haiz......then how to help u?



i decided to say. yes i do. better than dying feeling stressed and guilty. learn from me di. learn. love u. love myself. love them. hate myself.





NIGHT


the facts of life....
- 3/16/2005 12:08:00 AM

A long winded Life おれの広し秀明

Name: hiRosHi ~ jOsepH
Age: 21
Nicknames: jOjo ~ moJojOjo
Birthday: 30 July
MSN: hiroshijpop@hotmail.com

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I AM
- sensitive
- understanding
- emotional
- child-like
- hardworking
- friendly
- sociable
- good listener
- a thinker...
- warm
- cute!?!?! waha
- quite flamboyant
- highly perceptive...
- intellectual
- humorous / lame
- colourful

I LOVE
- singing
- World of Warcraft
- Naruto
- playing bass guitar
- collecting figurines
- reading comic strips and fantasy novels
- cookies
- Ben & Jerry's
- sushi
- S.H.E.
- Jay Chou
- drawing
- sleeping
- playing tennis
- Settlers
- myself ^<

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Dreams of a Young One 夢のだから

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1) Do well for my uni and apply for scholarship!
2) Get a LCD TV for my room
3) Upgrade my com...Sebas is helping
4) Get a new Ipod Video
5) Go to Japan for Holidays
6) Get Darker
7) Write more songs
8) Find the Right One, Mrs Saw anyone
9) Record my 2nd album
10) Lose some flabs!!!<

From the Sound Village　煩い

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你今天还好吗 - S.H.E
斗牛。要不要 - Tank
背影 - 林宥嘉
来不及 - Hebe
甜甜的 - Jay
我不配 - Jay
蒲公英的约定 - Jay



Laments 面どいセ

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Sparks "ドベ"

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gEokiE~chan
sU yiNgsY~chan
aLan cHoOng~kun
sHaoNinG~chan
eRneStiNa~chan
wiNi~chan
iVy~chan
tEreNce~kun
zUz~kuN
bRiaN~kuN
jOshUa~kUn
jAsOn tAy~kUn
iAn~kUn
dArIus~kUn
aLviN~kUn
gEralDine~chan
floNa SRC~chan
lAi waNg~kUn
lI weN~chan
sEbaS~kUn
lAwRencE~kUn
alEnE~chan
dA Ed~kUn
sHeng weI~kUn
tiNo~kUn
My Own LJ
lUci's shOp
fElicIa~chaN
liAne~chaN
wEiyi~kuN
tOdd~kuN
jUstIn~kuN

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